*Pitch*

[salvador]

Hey,

I wanted to ask for people's reactions to a couple of loglines for a feature script. I have the full idea but I want to see if the logline hits the mark. Basically just tell me if it gets your interest, makes you bored, its shit, whatever.

Cheers

Film Title: Suicide Pact

Logline 1: A teenage boy’s struggle to distance himself from a group of friends who are hell bent on killing themselves in a spiral of excess.

Logline 2: Whoever dies first wins. After the substance abuse death of his best friend, a teenage boy struggles to distance himself from a group of friend hell bent on celebrating the successful end to their suicide pact.

[PatrickCoyle]

I'm definitely interested. Bit long though, the sentences, but I might just have a miniscule attention span because of all the drugs.

But yeah, I like it. If this was something that was already out and I came across it... The concept (from the logline) would definitely have me looking for more information on it.

A suggestion I'd make: change "teenage boy" to "teenager". And get the word "climax" in there somewhere ("climax of excess" doesn't really make sense, but something along those lines - "teenager" and "climax" will make it sound sexy for the executives).

[large michael]

how about "when theres nothing left to live for, who will choose the right to die?", its vague but sexy.

[carolyn]

Hi Salvador

How about

"Avoiding death through excess isn't easy. A teenager's tale."

If you think that's a load of knob I totally understand.

Carolyn x

[jtrodreigez]

first one is the best, just simplify it a little bit.

[bigben]

salvador said:

Logline 1: A teenage boy’s struggle to distance himself from a group of friends who are hell bent on killing themselves in a spiral of excess.

You might try "an orgy of excess" every good tagline should have the word orgy in it, it certainly grabs my attention anyway.

[salvador]

Cheers guys, I think its difficult for you to know where I'm going without the story outline etc.

I was just meaning if you saw these lines would you want to know more?

[large michael]

yes, in that case.

[sansomchris]

I think Id want to know more, hell suicide is the centre of my short! The only thing I'd question is the whole suicide pact...well not the whole thing, I think the idea's a good'un, but more the 'Whoever dies first wins'...I think if thats the aim of the pact then your film wouldn't last long and perhaps the aim or problem faced needs to be more complex, more a pact that HAS to tie the boy into the story. OR perhaps I'm overthinking and misinterpreting! (If so sorry....and also sorry for rambling! Its just what I do!)
But yes, love the idea :-) hope the script goes okay!

[fattaxi]

I always consider suicide to a typical student film subject.... Not my cup of tea im afraid folks, but different strokes for different folks and all that

[RydCook]

salvador said:

I was just meaning if you saw these lines would you want to know more?

Yup.

[b0ttr0p]

I like the first one best. The second one could be a very short film...! Good luck with it.

[Dave]

fattaxi said:

I always consider suicide to a typical student film subject.... Not my cup of tea im afraid folks, but different strokes for different folks and all that

Yes.. that and drugs! That always makes me groan. ;D

[fattaxi]

admin said:

fattaxi said:

I always consider suicide to a typical student film subject.... Not my cup of tea im afraid folks, but different strokes for different folks and all that

Yes.. that and drugs! That always makes me groan. ;D

Glad you agree squire

[PatrickCoyle]

admin said:

fattaxi said:

I always consider suicide to a typical student film subject.... Not my cup of tea im afraid folks, but different strokes for different folks and all that

Yes.. that and drugs! That always makes me groan. ;D

Let's not forget the "waking up to an alarm clock" opening!