4:08 my short

[robersdee]

hey guys, new guy here, posted in the "hello" section and thought i would share a quick short with you.

This was shot very quickly by me, its actually filmed on a mobile phone! dont let that put you off though, it films in 720p but some shots the framerate suffers due to light. Its more of a test.

anyway let me know what you think

Rob


(better off watching it on the tube, for size and quality)

[jill]

Hey, really liked that. Very atmospheric-made me feel really anxious. Good use of music.

[robersdee]

thanks jill, was tough doing it on a phone, also i dubbed the entire film with all my own foley, so everything you hear is recorded in my voiceover studio in post.

wud love to hear shanes opinion hehe

[RydCook]

Hey, just watched this.

Good, I like how it was filmed on a mobile phone, gave it a unique look that suited the subject matter. Looked great. Some great editing especially towards the end.

I think it's definitely too long. I have to be honest and say I found it a little boring at some points. I think it would have worked better as a 5 minute or even 3 minute film.

It reminded me of a serious version of this film, by a couple of friends:

Good job, keep it up!

[Dave]

That was great.

Like Ryd said, the limitations of the phone's framerate (or whatever was causing the blur effect) worked really well for that story.

I was left wondering what actually happened in real life... like how did it end. Or has it ended? haha

[RichK]

Very well done there, exactly the sort of "actually make stuff" that pervades this forum. Great use of sound, well edited too. I'd agree with Ryd on just a tad too many beats. Cut it to 4'08"!!

[RydCook]

Feb 21, 2011 21:15:10 GMT RichK said:

Very well done there, exactly the sort of "actually make stuff" that pervades this forum. Great use of sound, well edited too. I'd agree with Ryd on just a tad too many beats. Cut it to 4'08"!!

That's a good idea! I was actually expecting the film to be that length.

Maybe it's too late, but if you want, have a go cutting it down to 4'08. Might be a fun challenge!

[robersdee]

thanks for the comments guys,

hmm cutting it down would be difficult, if anything i copped out on the ending (thats not how the actual night in question ended, I actually realised i was dreaming and used that knowledge to hit my head off the side table to wake myself up, twas a really fing wierd night)

anyway, yeah on top of that i need it to purvey that this happened for 8 hours straight, and cutting it down would be difficult for me.

little stuff like the heater people might think it could be cut, but it was such an integral part of the expierence (the red glow in the room from the heater) but i suppose thats hard to put across in the short.

Rob

[Gareth]

getting across that this happened for eight hours straight doesn't have anything to do with the films length, it's your story telling, Kubick traveled millions of years in one cut.

your not making a documentary or a reconstruction, I think the fact this actually happened in real life is getting in the way of you looking at the story objectively, I think what you should be really trying to capture is that sense of claustrophobic dread of being trapped in a nightmarish groundhog day, I like the thought of it repeating and repeating all the while getting shorter and shorter, whatever the scariest feeling you felt during this experience you need to try and make the audience feel that, it's not a case of recreating it moment by moment.

it'd be massively improved by better storytelling but as for the look of the film and sound design it's all great, reminded me of this

the blur is down to a low shutter speed due to low light and the low frame rate made it look like twitchy 8mm, I especially liked the way it affected his eyes when he blinked, I think this film would be improved massively by making it black and white

[jill]

My opinion, for what its worth. I agree it could lose a bit, but while its tempting to cut it to 4.08 because it'd be so neat, I think it needs longer. The repetition is important and, generally, works imo. If it was cut too much it might veer towards scary-horror rather than the scary-psychological anxiety vibe that I got from the first viewing, maybe.

[robersdee]

yes! thats it jill, its meant to cause anxiety, even at the beginning. Though the black and white idea could work i suppose. Actually maybe it i made it black and white and kept in the red tones from the heater that would come across as striking, whilst keeping the importance of the heater there

[Dave]

Feb 22, 2011 12:48:16 GMT robersdee said:

yes! thats it jill, its meant to cause anxiety, even at the beginning. Though the black and white idea could work i suppose. Actually maybe it i made it black and white and kept in the red tones from the heater that would come across as striking, whilst keeping the importance of the heater there

Yeah, the red heater idea is a great one, especially as the audience is supposed to feel the significance of it in your state of mind.

[Bill Edwards]

That was good. Some great shots and compositions and I really liked the stillness of the camera. Great use of sound too.

I'm in two minds about whether it should've been 4:08 minutes long. Too gimmicky if it were? Not to worry. It was a good little film.

I've had false awakenings and your film captured some of the otherworldly quality of dreams especially the way you've used sounds. Top foley work there.

I had a dream a few years ago where I "woke up" four times before I actually woke up for real!

Which phone did you use?

[robersdee]

the htc desire hd, it can shoot in 1280 by 720. its a cracking phone too

[alexmcneill]

Loved this. Great editing and camera work, and I love the idea. I would agree with what everyone else said though-that it could be trimmed a bit. I think you could still convey that sense of repeition and frustration due to it being in a shorter period of time, meaning that the frantic cuts and pacing in the films climax become even more effective.