Clips from a crappy Mockumentary i'm making.

[cheynestoking]

This is just a clip from a mockumentary im making with a few freinds of mine, this is the first clip from it i got up on the web but there will be more to come. Please note this is the first cut of it and there are a few imperfections (like you cna hear me laughing behind the camera and at one point there is a line repeated but...fuck it) Any feedbakc would be appreciated, as this is the first time any1 outside the people who are making it has seen it. Sure it's imature, and its obvious the dude just has a pillow stuffed up his shirt but...thats whats funny...hopefully....Well enjoy, and as i said, more to come...

Credit Sequence
www.vidilife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=25A0CED7-AE57-4C08-968E-5&action=10 - The title cards arent very clear on the web for some reason, oh well

Choco sequence
www.vidilife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=BFABACB9-B911-4168-9BF4-D&action=10

[Dave]

I like the idea behind it, and some of the ad-libbing bits of nonsense that are spouted! haha
However, I would say that the main problem with both bits is that they go on way too long. Well, that's my opinion anyway.
I know it's sometimes difficult to be objective with something that you have spent hours and hours pouring over, but on the whole, the quicker you can get something across, the better I say.

The funny idea of the 'fat drink' is kind of killed off by it going on so long. Same for the opening sequence bit... just too long, and the length kills the joke a bit.

[cheynestoking]

Yeah, you're right they do go on for a while but, as we are still filming too so im just editing in bits. Plus they do seem out of place here and there because they arent in a whole, so i think this is why they drag on for a while because i havent really seen the whole thing in context yet, but your opnion has really helped and looking back there are a lot of stuff in there im gona cut for the final full thing. Oh and last night i just finished editing another scene (which in my new frame of mind, also goes on a bit too long, but still) so im just transferring it to the web as we speak and ill shove the link up here once im done.

thanks.

[PatrickCoyle]

I only watched the opening credits, but just to echo what Dave said - they go on way too long. There's not enough content there to stretch it out for such a long period of time. It will be better to just introduce him and get into it within thirty seconds.

[Biggie aka David Whiteley]

Hi, i play the fat dude who's rolling around on the floor like a beached whale, as well as producer, and i understand what you mean about the length, but i was wondering, the whole sequence isnt the intro, everything leading up to the title card Day One is the intro (yeah i know it goes on for 3 minutes, but the fuckin once upon a time in the west credit sequence went on for 6) Maybe you realised this but, i thought because of the abrupt ending of the whole file and the basic non sense of it, you thought it was all the intro scene.

Everything that comes after, is part of the next scene which is the tour of his house which basically shouldnt be on that file. In fact there is something that we hadnt filmed at the time, but have now, which comes in between the first few seconds of the stuff inside the house, which is the "Intro Interview" where he is properly introduced. Plus the scenes you have seen are long for a reason as they are built up in earlier scenes (ones you havent seen yet...some we havent filmed) and they do signify big character developments which effect scenes to come....jesus i sound like a right bloody nerd.

I just thought i'd say all this just to let you know what's what and clear up anything that may have made you think the length was a problem, and if everything i've told you, you knew already....well i guess we'll sort it out if we must.

And now ill just be an arsewipe and explain what the intro signifies, because im loneley...basically it signifies the characters struggle in every day routines to an extent that is excessivley over the top...like his shirt size. Haha.

Overall, thanks everyone for the comments and keep em comin, ill get off my guest arse and become a member in soon (great site by the way, dead mans shoes rocks) and im sure the next load of footage will meet your needs (really, it's fucking great...may again seem long but....thers fish and chips...)

[PatrickCoyle]

I didn't watch the whole clip, just the intro thing. The repeated angles of you and the dog just went on too long. The pauses were what killed it really, because I didn't even understand the struggling part. I thought you were just lying down.

[biggie2]

Hi, im now a member.
The pause's are there, just to tie into the music mainly, we did it like that because while editing, we found that it worked better with the pauses, than without them.

[fattaxi]

I'll be honest, I found it quite difficult to watch. But if these are only the rushes - so to speak - then I won't pass judgement till the finished film.

I used the same track - "Black Dog" - Led Zepplin, on a film I did for the closing titles, and I just changed title everytime the riff came.

Riff- did I say that right?

Si
xxx

[cheynestoking]

Well, everyone, i'm back, after much more filming behind me and a hell of a lot of editing in front of me...i think it's about time you saw the Intro to Obesity....REHASH! which is basically the opening that you all saw, which you found a little long and off putting, in its final cut. Hopefully you will find this version much better...it's only 1.52 ;D

Trust me, you'll be surprised.

www.vidilife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=E7F959AC-E6FE-4EA4-81D2-8&action=10

i'll be back as the footage rolls in. Stay Tuned

[Dave]

Cool.. that is about a thousand times better than before.
I like all the seemingly extraneous shots of like the traffic, the plane, the sun through the fence, etc. They work really well.

Also this time round, it feels like a credit sequence interspersed with clips, whereas before, it seemed like a long drawn out set of clips, with some added credits.... if that makes any sense.
Having no dialogue in this opening sequence is also a good move.