Advice on Scripts

[Dazza]

Hi Guys

Ok I've written the first draft of a script which I am hoping to film in the next few months. Thing is what do I do now, its a first draft and could probably do with some constructive tweeking. Where do i get help or advice?

Thanks

[salvador]

Hi Dazz

I normally send them to people for their reaction, advice etc. Take on board what people say and adjust as you feel. Dont listen to everything but be prepared to change things you may not want to.

Just always make sure, you are happy with it

[Gareth]

I went on a script writing workshop last year and got some good advise, It maybe seems a little obvious but if you can fill in all of these in as much detail as possible it'll help you refine your script, it really helped me cut a script in almost half that I'd been redrafting for a year

Title:

Genre/ Tone:

Setting:

Main Character:

Cataylst for change:

Want/ Need/ Obligation:

Climax:

Resolution:

And the Audience feels (tone):


hope this is helpfull

[wiggy]

don't ever feel as tho it's finished until it has been shot. your first draft will most probably need looking at by people and then be prepared to be kicked in the teeth, i have just finished my fearless men after many many rewrites, it has taken me twelve months to write after lots of really useful advice, i feel pretty confident in my ability now but it has taken many knock backs.
if you want me to have a squiz then just message me and i would be glad to.
ciao

[Tom]

Well, I agree with pretty much all of the responses so far, but I'd emphasise what Salvador says: Don't listen to everything.

A first draft is always going to need work, even if it's just to sift out the typos. One of the best things to do is to put it down for a week or two and then read it all through. You need to get some breathing space. If that means putting it out to others to read in that period as well, cool, but you may well benefit from getting a few responses, making some notes and then heading back to it.

I had a meeting with a producer a few days back, and we discussed where my new script is at and what we would like to achieve from it. Knowing WHERE you want it to go is the most relevant thing. If you know where it has to end up and you can see clearly where it's at now you will then be able to make good changes. Sometimes that might be just a few words or it might be several pages, but I would advise making it clear in your head just what the end result should be. Otherwise you'll be hacking into it without any recognition for it's shape and you may be doing more damage than good.

I know triggerstreet.com has already been mentioned here, but if you want it read soon, that's the place to go. And it might be tough, and you'll need to be thick skinned, but the advice will invariably be open and debatable. If someone reviews it unfairly, others will comment and you should (in theory) end up with a good set of notes.

Conveying ideas through a script is hard work and it takes a lot of skill. Talent is will flash up the ideas, but the skill takes time as it's something you learn. I've written four screenplays and produced two (this new one will be the third to go into production). The quality of them improves every time because I realised that I am getting better on each one. The art of a good screenplay is telling a great story with the bare minimum of words.

So get your idea of just what you want it to be straight, and only take the advice that you think will help you get it there.

Good luck. Tom.

[Dazza]

Hi Guys, thanks for all the advice given. This would be the first proper film that I would have actually written and properly directed. I have a good cast that are keen to be involved and can really act, have invested in a decent video camera and mic so all i need to to prepare is a decent screenplay, I feel this is my best one out of the five shorts i have written.

The aim of the film would be around 15 minutes duration, I wrote the film after begining to re-shoot a film i had made before about a soldier suffering PTS and started writing listening to Clayhill and Sunhouse which really helped. Once I have a sreenplay i am completely happy with I would aim to get it into some festivals.

Synopsis:
Barry is 29 years old, raised on a rough estate by an alcoholic father that regularly beat him as a boy Barry ran away to the army at 16 after viciously putting his father in intensive care after years of physical abuse. Barry served in Iraq, watched people die and killed people with his hands. The world he comes back to he no longer fits in, struggling for work and with no friends no family to turn to Barry is a loaner. Suffering from post traumatic stress and prone to violent outbursts he has no one until he meets Tina.

Tina is 19 years old, abused as a girl by her father, mother to a young daughter and abused by her partner Dennis, she has no where to go, no where to turn until her path crosses with Barry. Though she has been through so much Tina is an angel in disguise to Barry, she is one person who does not judge, does not want and knows similar pain to his own.

Together learning about there shared backgrounds can they rise above it all and look towards a positive future together or do happy ending only ever happen in fairy tales.

Wiggy I've emailed you a copy, if you have any advice it would be grealty appreciated.

Tom reference Triggerstreet, by putting it there is there any risk of someone else taking it and making it if they wanted to?

[Tom]

dazzab21 said:

Tom reference Triggerstreet, by putting it there is there any risk of someone else taking it and making it if they wanted to?

Triggerstreet, last time I checked, was mainly for feature scripts, so it may not be eligible. However, you will always retain the rights to your work until you willfully sign them away. As far as others stealing ideas, well, that's something no-one can protect against. And at the end of the day, you just have to put the stuff out there.

Cheers - Tom.

[wiggy]

dazza got your script, just made it last night, will enter into festivals next week!
only kidding of course, will read it at some point today, one thing i did notice was that it wasn't formatted correctly, that is ok if you are making it yourself and the actors are people you know but it is probably better if you get into the habit of writing out a script in the correct format, final draft or movie magic are the programs i feel do the job best, the bbc writersroom website has a free program you can download but i have never used it so wouldn't know if it is any good or not.
like i said, i will read it today and if i like it i will post on here, if i hate it i will tell you so by email!!!

[Gareth]

dazza search for Celtex its free script writing software,

the one thing I am slightly worried about when reading your synopsis is how much backstory needs to be conveyed especially for a short, I've got a feature idea that I'm avoiding writing at the moment because of how much backstory needs to be established before the story can really begin, I listened to the directors commentary on trainspotting the other day and Danny Boyle said they basically got rid of all the backstory to up the momentum of the film, also look at The Beach and how little you actually know about the protagonist before he sets on his adventure, he's on the adventure before the film starts

if you havent seen it already Dog Altogethers playing on Film4 3rd March, definatly the best short I've ever seen and a good example of how much narrative fits in a short film

[jimmy975]

When i write a draft of a short film i put it in a drawer for three weeks without looking at it, then after that time passes then I look at it. You will then be able to see all your mistakes and where to put them right. It helps going over the 1st draft again with a clean slate in your head. You will then know if it's good or not and what works and what doesn't. The reason - the audience goes to the cinema for leisure without being full of information before the story starts. When you are writing your brain is packed full of info before you put pen to paper. When you look at the script again after a month you are in the same position as the audience.

[roger1]

Dog Altogether's really good - but there are loads of brilliant shorts out there and you should study as many as possible. I'd recommend.

Always Crashing in the Same Car
Wasp
Royalty
Gas Man
Soft
Bouncer
Brown Paper Bag

[Gareth]

yeah I havent seen wasp yet but heard good things, liked gas man and bouncer and soft was my favorite short before I saw dog! I'll have to check out the others

[Dazza]

Thanks everyone for advice, I'll look into the script writing software starting with Celtex as its free. I have seen bouncer several times very good short and will look out for the others mentioned. I have the Dog altogether screening date on my calendar lol was forst thing I did when Paddy mentioned it being on film4.