sitcoms

[anonlytwin]

anyone ever attempted to write one? succesfully or otherwise. success being a relative construct and all...

just interested

[Dave]

I've thought about it... do I win a prize?

Graham Linehan has always had some wise words to say about sitcom writing on the Father Ted commentaries. His main thrust is that he strives to find the perfect way to disguise plot points that will be referred to later in an episode. This is obviously important in any kind of script writing, but in sitcoms, you get 30 minutes to set-up and pay-off stuff.
The best advice he gives about it is to disguise a plot-point that will be needed later as a gag to start with. That way the audience feels that the point of that bit was just a gag... so when it recurs later, it's more surprising and hopefully funnier.

Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm are great examples, but I also love how One Foot In The Grave is written. Most of those episodes are a bundle of seemingly unrelated happenings that all converge in surprising and funny ways.
For One Foot In The Grave, I think David Renwick often wrote the episodes backwards. Starting out with a mad occurence in the story and working backwards to work out plausible ways in which it would have come about.

[anonlytwin]

cheers dave, very good points. larry david is certainly the master of this contrvance ain't he?

[jill]

Speaking of which, dyk that Curb 6 is out on DVD next month? Been avoiding watching iy online, but my son says Steve Coogan's good in it.

[anonlytwin]

never even knew steve coogan was in it!? not sure where i stand on steve coogan. i love partridge but i don't think he deserves all the credit for that, iannuci seems to be the man... and apart from partridge what has he really done apart from behave like a cock and rip off other peoples ideas?

[Dave]

May 24, 2008 15:29:49 GMT anonlytwin said:

never even knew steve coogan was in it!? not sure where i stand on steve coogan. i love partridge but i don't think he deserves all the credit for that, iannuci seems to be the man... and apart from partridge what has he really done apart from behave like a cock and rip off other peoples ideas?

Haha... I semi-agree. Coogan seems to need good writers behind him, like Iannucci and Peter Baynham. Coogan's Run was pretty cack in my opinion, but I enjoyed the Paul Calf Video Diaries.
Partridge is sublime though, and I can kind of ignore all his rubbish stuff because of that.

[shindig]

Aye, without writing he sounds like a second-rate David Brent who, as we all know, is a second rate Alan Partridge.

[anonlytwin]

that's probably the way to go about it, but before i so: even shane has had a pop at coogan for stealing the idea for saxondale hasn't he?

[shindig]

Who'd he nick that off? I didn't watch it much because it wasn't that funny.

[anonlytwin]

May 24, 2008 16:01:37 GMT shindig said:

Aye, without writing he sounds like a second-rate David Brent who, as we all know, is a second rate Alan Partridge.

couldn't make sense of that one?

well, shane suggested that saxondale may have been nicked from his very own le donk idea

[Chewbaxter]

I had a bit of a do at writing along with a mate...


Tales of chavs and cheap ale... amphetamines, Asda and Asbos... kebabs and... well, you get the idea.

Have to say though, that although based on things I've seen (whilst working for the council/as a postman/work in the community) re: 'rough estates' and all that - it'd probably get called 'a rip-off of Shameless' due to the material - so I stopped writing, although I'd done loads of scenes.

Here's an example.

Angelique (23, four kids at home) walking around Asda-type store... she's wearing a crop top, leggings (yellow) and 'jelly shoes' and has the ubiquitous plaster on her shin where she's borrowed her partner's razor and cut her leg shaving. Her mobile goes off - tune - "Want You Back" - Take That.

Angelique: Hello? Yeah... where are ye? Where? What you doing there... no, we don't need no more of that bacon, it gave our Danielle the sh*ts - get some of them Cheese Strings instead.

Cut to 'Life Partner' Jason (24) - in same store. Wearing rigger boots and typical 'shellsuit' gear with burberry cap.

Jason: Right... where will it be?

[Scenes intercut between Jason and Angelique... camera follows Jason as he walks around]

Angelique: Near the f*ckin' cheese, kn*head where do you think?

Jason: all right, keep yer tampon in, ye sarky bitch!

Angelique: Hey, and get some of that cider.

Jason: Which, 'White Lightning'?

Angelique: Jesus no - it's too dear that, buy that "Right Price" one - it's cheaper.

Jason: Yeah, but it tastes like sh*te.

Angelique: I know, but it's strong and we can always put some of that vodka in it to liven it up.

Jason: Have we any left?

Angelique: Course we have - there's another two bottles of that stuff me Mam brought back when she went to Ski-Athos, remember?

Jason: Sh*t yeah.

Jason stops near the cheese strings and picks them up

Jason: Right, I've got them cheese things... want any Dairylea Dippers?

Angelique: No, they'll only get eaten... come and find us will ye?

Jason: Okay

Jason walks around the next aisle... Angelique is there

Angelique still talking on the phone: Oh yer here?

Jason: Yeah... shall I hang up?

Angelique: Yeah... t'ra.

Jason: T'ra.

Jason puts 'phone away

Angelique: Come on, let's see what's going cheap in the 'bent bargains'.

Cut


N.

[Dazza]

Lol actually sounds quite funny Chewie my fave line has gotta be:

keep yer tampon in, ye sarky bitch

LOL ;D

[Chewbaxter]

May 26, 2008 17:17:23 GMT Dazza said:

Lol actually sounds quite funny Chewie my fave line has gotta be:

keep yer tampon in, ye sarky bitch

LOL ;D

Glad you like it Dazza - here's some other 'Supermarket Scenes' that I did...

Supermarket - Scene 2
Jason walking past the 'bent bargains' aisle of damaged but still fresh foods, he sees Tommy Bentneck (63) a rather dishevelled chap with lank hair who you can 'smell through glass' (i.e. he LOOKS like he stinks and has remnant of food/drink/vomit/cig burns on his clothes etc.)

Jason: All right Tommy?

Tommy [distracted]: Oh... all right Jason lad?

Jason: Here - you don't know whereabouts they keep the shower gel in here do ye?

Tommy: f*ck should I know?

Jason [looks him up and down]: No... fair point. Here... you look mithered - what's up?

Tommy: Some b*stard's had me Minestrone.

Jason: Eh?

Tommy: Tin of Minestrone... Heinz, it's not here.

Jason: You expecting it to be?

Tommy: Too f*ckin' right - it was me that dented the bugger this morning!

Jason: No... you've lost me now - what y' on about?

Tommy: Come on lad... use yer loaf, I've been doing this for years - every morning I come in and help stuff get a bit damaged... you know, denting tins... tearing packets... pulling labels loose and that.

Jason: What for:

Tommy: How thick are you? Obvious - so I can come back at tea time when they've put 'em here with the 'bent bargains' to get 'em cheap... look [starts pulling items out of basket] Fig Rolls - down to 17p, squashed loaf - 26p - you follow me? Trouble is, some tw*t's had me soup - I was hoping to get that for about 30p!

Jason: You could always get their own brand... you know 'bargain price' - it's only 25p a tin!

Tommy: f*ck off, it's shite that - I've got standards me you know - it's Heinz or nothing! f*ck it, I'll just have to damage two tins and try again tomorrow.

Jason: fair do. See ye later Tommy.

Tommy: See you, son.

cut





Supermarket - Scene 3
[Jason walking past toiletries section - he's got bog roll in his hands and is struggling as he goes to get shower gel and a couple of other items, then notices someone's dumped an empty basket. Jason picks up the basket and puts his stuff in, the walkes around to the checkout. An Old Woman is about to be served and has a trolley full to the brim with stuff... she looks at Jason's basket with only a few items in it.]

Old Woman: Go on love... you can go in front of me.

Jason: Oh... ta very much, very kind of you.

[Angelique comes along with her trolley which dwarves that of the Old Woman for being stuffed with stuff.]

Jason [shouts]: Over here love.

[Angelique veers her way over to the checkout.

Old Woman is taken aback, but moves back to let Angelique and trolly in to stand next to Jason.

Jason: This woman's let us go before her - she's a diamond eh?

Angelique [To Old Woman]: Thanks a lot, you've done us a favour there missus - this'll take friggin' ages as it is, and I want to get back home for 'Deal Or No Deal'.

[Old Woman just looks stunned]

cut

One more for you... this is Jason's mate 'Gonad'. The scene is based on a job interview I once had for McDonald's - so it actually happened - the 'humour' has been added, but this is from my own experience.



[Gonad enters Job Centre/Benefits Office, walks past girl on desk.]

Carol: Here again Gonad? What job this time?

Gonad: Burger Baron.

Carol: So what happened with Alan Sugar then, he not give you a job?

Gonad: Nah, he wanted to start me off on 200 'kay' a year but no company car, so I told him to f*ck himself... besides, Bill Gate offered me me own helicopter for 5o grand more... so I'm thinking about it - meantime, this'll keep me going.

Carol [laughs]: Good for you sunshine. I'll keep me fingers crossed.

Gonad: Cross everything love, it's me fifth interview since last tuesday and no job. Room 3 in't it?

Carol nods. Gonad goes to Room 3. Two lads sat outside already. One turns to Gonad.]

Lad 1: Here for the interview?

Gonad [sarcastic]: Ten out of ten for observation skills there mate - sure you wouldn't be better going for a job as a detective instead of a burger flipper?

Lad 1 clearly embarrassed looks down and pretends to use his mobile.

Door opens, Interviewer (Ms. Dean) steps out.

Ms. Dean [to no-one in particular] : Mr. Brady?

Gonad: That's me.

Ms. Dean: You're late.

Gonad: I know... sorry, I would have been early, but I didn't get here on time.

Ms. Dean: Come in then.

[They go in... sit down - usual set up, her chair higher than his... big desk for 'intimidating effect' etc. Gonad sits down to the disapproving looks of Ms. Dean wh then sits down herself, takes a pen out and starts to rifle through papers... she rarely looks up throughout the interview... obviously 'people skills' aren't her thing, and she speaks monotonously.]

Ms. Dean: So... Anthony Brady.

Gonad: That's right.

Ms. Dean [forces laugh but doesn't look up]: No relation to Ian Brady by any chance?

Gonad: Yes - he's me dad.

[Ms. Dean looks up somewhat peterbed. Gonad laughs]

Gonad: Sorry... no he's not THAT Ian Brady... he's AN Ian Brady... he's got the same name but he's not the original... well, technically he IS the original, because he's older than the other one if you follow me... but as far as I know he's not a psycho - he goes a bit loopy on the Navy Rum and might do someone with an ashtray if he can't hear 'Pop Idol' when he's in the pub... but as for doing anyone in...

[Gonad is aware that he's rambling and sees the disapproving looks of Ms. Dean]

Gonad [quietly]: Erm yes... me dad's name's Ian.

[Ms. Dean looks down at her notes again whilst talking]

Ms Dean: So why do you want to work for Burger Baron then, Mr/ Brady?

Gonad: Well... it looks a doddle don't it - stuff's never ready, so you get a chance to stand around with your gob open catching flies... not literally of course, I'm not questioning the cleanliness of the place - that fat lass with the squint's always got the mop out, so it must be clean. No... I've been in plenty of times and thought "I could do that" - obviously I've been p*ssed at the tiem... well, you wouldn't go in sober would you? I mean... BSE and all that, you don't know what you're eating - but when your drunk... I ate a tin of Pedigree Chum once just for the crack - you know what I'm saying?

[Ms. Dean shaking her head at this - clearly a decision has been made already that he ain't got the job. We see what she's written on a piece of paper - "ANOTHER c*nt - ROLL ON DINNERTIME" in red biro - surrounding this are basic drawings of ejaculating cocks and love hearts with "Simon Cowell" written in them]

Ms. Dean: Anyhow, let me tell you a little about our company. We're the sixteenth largest burger outlet in the United Kingdom... we've been in business now for two years and are soon to be expanding to the continent.

Gonad: Don't surprise me... them French'll eat any old shite won't they?

Ms. Dean [ignoring this outburst]: You'd be starting on the basic wage should you be successful with this interview... we provide a uniform naturally...

Gonad: Good, because I've not got one at home.

Ms. Dean: And of course your meals will be provided for... that comprises of a 'Happy Bap Burger Meal' and small drink every shift.

Gonad: No use to me love, I'm vegetarian... mind you, I could eat the fries and take the burger for me mate's dog... it's always licking it's b*llocks, so it'd be glad of something to take the taste away I reckon.

[Ms. Dean continues unpeturbed... she's obviously reading mechanically from the standard script.]

Ms. Dean: As part of our expanding business we're always looking out for our staff's interests in self-improvement... after a six months probationary period, you are entitled to apply for our Management course in which we look to upgrade staff to supervisory status. This involves going to Burger Baron College one evening per week and...

Gonad [laughing]: You what?

Ms. Dean [looks up]: Burger Baron College... it's in Manchester... it's fully accredited, and the qualification is an NVQ equivalent that...

Gonad: Frig me, you telling me I could get become a PHD in Fast Food? Or become a Burgerologist? You're taking the p*ss!

[Ms. Dean puts the cap on her pen and straightens her papers... she is clearly annoyed yet appears to be trying to keep a lid on it.]

Ms. Dean: No Mr. Brady... but I think YOU'RE taking the p*ss. You're obviously not taking this interview seriously, so I suggest that you leave now.

Gonad: Eh?

Ms. Dean: This interview is at an end.

Gonad: Are you not going to ask me if I want to ask any questions?

Ms. Dean: No Mr. Brady... I am going to ask you to f*ck off. Please close the door or your day out.

[Gonad just starts laughing and goes through the door. He looks at the two other interviewees outside]

Gonad: Piece of p*ss... Regional Manager by next month me - I'm going to be a Burgerologist too!

[we hear Ms. Dean shout]

Ms. Dean: Mr. Partington next please.

[Lad 1 stands up... looking ready to shit bricks]

Gonad [to Lad 1]: Good luck Columbo, I'm sure you'll crack this case!

[Gonad laughs and walks away.]

cut.


N.

[Gonga]

I really liked that, some funny dialogue you got there.

As for the "shameless rip off" comment its more a case that once something has become massive in the sitcom world I dont think there exists a market for anything similar, even if it was better written/produced/shot etc etc..

Although I guess that depends on if you have your sights set on the main terrestrial channels 1-5, I dont watch a great deal of the tele so I dont know if channels like BBC4 are actually putting on new stuff or just repeating Little Britain all the time.

Either way I would slit the throat of whoever gave 2 packets of lager and a pint of crisps the go ahead.

[srg]

me and my mate have written a script that we're about to send off and stuff. it's basically about our lives and how pathetic they are. it has all our mates in it and i've realised they're all completely mental and i'm not even exaggerating their personas. worrying

so aye sounds like a hoot from that description, but it is quite funny.